It easy to share this now. It took a long time to get where I am and who I am now.
I grew up afraid. It was a large part of my psyche, who I was, and how I saw the world.
To survive and live with my fear I was defensively proactive, ambitious, and over prepared for everything. I rationalized and hid the fear by calling it “bring strategic”, once I became a professional.
It was an exhausting way to live.
Afraid if I might lose my job, despite being an A performer. That what I did was never enough.
I was never able to truly relax. Even on vacations, I couldn’t unwind or stop the hidden but always present anxiousness.
My relationships weren’t as healthy as they could be, too.
It took awhile, but I learned to face my fears. To understand their limiting presence in me, even, to a certain extent with my loved ones, even generationally.
To break down the fears and dismantle them, their unfoundedness and limitations.
It’s given me a unique understanding about the paralysis of fear and to empathize when I see it in others.
I can even laugh about how stifled I was for many years.
My name is Rosa and fear was my middle name.