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My Middle Name Was Fear

It easy to share this now. It took a long time to get where I am and who I am now.

I grew up afraid. It was a large part of my psyche, who I was, and how I saw the world.

To survive and live with my fear I was defensively proactive, ambitious, and over prepared for everything. I rationalized and hid the fear by calling it “bring strategic”, once I became a professional.

It was an exhausting way to live.

Afraid if I might lose my job, despite being an A performer. That what I did was never enough.

I was never able to truly relax. Even on vacations, I couldn’t unwind or stop the hidden but always present anxiousness.

My relationships weren’t as healthy as they could be, too.

It took awhile, but I learned to face my fears. To understand their limiting presence in me, even, to a certain extent with my loved ones, even generationally.

To break down the fears and dismantle them, their unfoundedness and limitations.

It’s given me a unique understanding about the paralysis of fear and to empathize when I see it in others.

I can even laugh about how stifled I was for many years.

My name is Rosa and fear was my middle name.

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